Push (2009)

Push is a truly great story universe trapped in a truly crap plot. It may seem odd to recommend a film while making that admission from the get-go, but considering the far-greater numbers of crap universes encompassing crap stories, Push is worthy of exhibition on these grounds alone. And others as well.

A black ops agency known as The Division has been tracking, employing & imprisoning psychics for decades. They have classified and deconstructed all manner of abilities and persons throughout the globe. For tracking, they use "Sniffers", human bloodhounds who can locate anyone, anywhere & anyone they've ever been with. For plotting, they use "Watchers", packs of premonitioners who know exactly what will happen, where & when. Other agents specialize in healing ("Stitchers"), telekinesis ("Movers"), wiping memories ("Wipers"), shielding objects & blocking other abilities ("Shadows").

Then there are "Pushers": the ultimate human weapon. Once they have you in eye-sight, they have complete control. They can implant false memories. Forego true ones. Force you to commit acts of violence against yourmself or others. Or just disappear.

What makes writer David Bourla's world so interesting, however, is not how clearly he defines these abilities, but how clearly these abilities define his characters. "Watcher" Cassie Holmes' (Dakota Fanning) central anxiety is that, while she can see the future, she lacks the means to express this information to others. "Sniffers" prove to be pure fetishists, up in arms over a fresh toothbrush. Low-level "Pushers" are free-wheeling playboys, but those within the throngs of The Division are so far-removed from humanity that nothing they say or do can ever be trusted.

In comparison, Push's story just isn't that interesting. Charting a troop of teen psychics in Hong Kong as they attempt to track down missing "Pusher" Kira (Camilla Belle), the only one of their peers to escape The Division and survive a miracle drug (which they also have to track down; don't worry, it gets messier). Aside from provoking a lame romance subplot with lead "Mover" Nick Gant(Chris Evans), the colorless Kira is entirely disengaging. To cover this, Bourla sautees in two opposing teams of villains: The Division, led cleanly, efficiently & spookily by Henry Carver (Djimon Hounsou), and a family of Chinese psychic gangsters (Orientalism at its finest: their main psychic power is to scream really loud and burst your eardrums). If the story had more to go on, it wouldn't be as easily overburdened, but you don't have to be a "Watcher" to see the twists & turns coming a mile off.

Yet, as sloppy as Push's story is, it remains an interesting low budget blockbuster. Director Paul McGuigan uses kinetic camera, swirling colors & eclectic style to cleverly disguise limitations and ratchet up the action. Hong Kong, cinema's quintessential un-American metropolis, becomes a truly alienating, scary place. Characters are so isolated they're rarely even shown in frame together. But when they are, it's a joy; Hounsou and Cliff Curtis are treats, and Fanning is able to balance tween snottiness with childish insecurity with her unlikely (and barely willing) protector Gant.

Don't pay full price. I didn't. But do check it out.

*** 1/2

My Bloody Events Calendar

So, last month I posted a run-down of the film events in and around L.A. I promised to do it every week, and I have. Where is it? At culture blog LAist.

I'm very grateful for the opportunity, exposure & very proud to point you towards this week's column!

Now, as I continually look for ways to engage this blog, my film knowledge & have a bit of fun, let's talk My Bloody Valentine 3-D:



What's wrong with this picture? Not the remake (since that means the original is getting a re-release with its long-awaited deleted scenes attached). Not the 3D (if it can make Beowulf entertaining, it's one hell of a gimmick!).

It's the release date.

Why the hell is My Bloody Valentine, the perfect Valentine's Day counter-program (hint: some people, including those in happy relationships, get sick of watching Amelie every year), being released January 16th? I know Lionsgate hates horror films now, but you'd think the mega-successful Saw franchise has taught them to make a killing with seasonal/well-timed horror releases.

Considering January-February is an unofficial studio "dumping period", I doubt any film released now, including My Bloody Valentine, has legs to last through February. And it's a damn shame, as holiday-themed horror films are one of my favorite gimmicks & guiltiest pleasures.

This Week In Film (In L.A.): 12/15-12/21

'Tis the season for Christmas films everywhere. The Aero & Egyptian Theatres sport traditional fare White Christmas & It's A Wonderful Life, while both branches of the Arclight host newer Christmas comedies Elf & A Christmas Story. But if you're sick of Santa, the New Beverly's got your back. Tuesday, the Grindhouse Film Festival hosts their annual holiday program, pairing proto-slasher Black Christmas with Silent Night Bloody Night (not to be confused with Silent Night Deadly Night or the forthcoming Silent Night Zombie Night). Saturday, Amoeba Music & New Beverly Midnights remind us how noel can be a nightmare with Jingle All The Way, starring our governor!

For the agnostic & apathetic, Monday brings an early no-Christmas-present: a preview of The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button with film critic Stephen Farber & special guests at the Wadsworth Theatre. If you find yourself with 4 and a half hours to kill, the full "road show" version of Stephen Soderbergh's Che runs through Thursday at The Landmark; see it now before distributors play Solomon & cut it down the middle. If you find yourself awake at noon on a Tuesday, LACMA has a matinee of John Sturges' classic Western The Law & Jack Wade.

Speaking of classics, the Hollywood legends are out in droves this week. Charlie Chaplin (Monsieur Verdoux), Laurel & Hardy (March Of The Wooden Soldiers), Jimmy Stewart (Bell, Book & Candle, The Shop Around The Corner) & Bruce Campbell (Army Of Darkness) all appear on screen this week. George Cukor's original version of The Women has a rare showing in town, and for the more daring, two of Canadian auteur Guy Maddin's unique silent-film, modern-sensibility dramedies play mid-week.

Full list & my picks appear below. See you at the movies!

Monday
$9.99 (2008) (Laemmle's Music Hall 3) (limited engagement thru Thursday)
Animal House (1978) / Strange Brew (1983) (New Beverly Cinema)
Bell, Book & Candle (1958) (The Bay Theatre)
Che (2008) (The Landmark) (exclusive engagement thru Thursday)
The Conformist (1970) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (2008) (Wadsworth Theatre) (Reel Talk preview w/ special guests)
Dragon Hunters (2008) (Laemmle's Grande 4-Plex) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Elf (2003) (Arclight Hollywood)
Hania (2007) (Laemmle's Music Hall 3) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Monsieur Verdoux (1947) (Nuart Theatre) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Timecrimes (Los Crinocrimenes) (2007) (Laemmle's Sunset 5) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Were The World Mine (2008) (Laemmle's Sunset 5) (limited engagement through Thursday)

Where I'll Be:

The Conformist (1970) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
Amidst all the seasonal chaos, Laemmle quietly celebrates their 70th birthday with a killer world cinema series at the Royal in West L.A. Tonight's film, Bernardo Bertolucci's The Conformist, is a nightmarish thriller that perfectly encapsulates the political upheaval, paranoia & cynicism of the decade.

Tuesday
$9.99 (2008) (Laemmle's Music Hall 3) (limited engagement thru Thursday)
Black Christmas (1974) / Silent Night, Bloody Night (1974) (New Beverly Cinema)
Che (2008) (The Landmark) (exclusive engagement thru Thursday)
Dragon Hunters (2008) (Laemmle's Grande 4-Plex) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Elf (2003) (Arclight Sherman Oaks)
Fanny & Alexander (1982) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
Hania (2007) (Laemmle's Music Hall 3) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Helvetica (2007) (Aero Theatre)
The Law & Jack Wade (1958) (LACMA) (matinee)
Monsieur Verdoux (1947) (Nuart Theatre) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Timecrimes (Los Crinocrimenes) (2007) (Laemmle's Sunset 5) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Were The World Mine (2008) (Laemmle's Sunset 5) (limited engagement through Thursday)


Where I'll Be:

Black Christmas (1974) / Silent Night, Bloody Night (1974) (New Beverly Cinema)
I'm an unabashed grindhouse fan, but it helps when the film's a stone-cold classic. Black Christmas along with Halloween, laid the groundwork and displayed the true suspenseful, gory potential of the much-maligned slasher flick. Silent Night, Bloody Night offers even more reasons why answering the phone when you're all alone in a big, spooky house just isn't a good idea.

Wednesday
$9.99 (2008) (Laemmle's Music Hall 3) (limited engagement thru Thursday)
Auntie Mame (1958) (The Egyptian Theatre)
Bell, Book & Candle (1958) (The Bay Theatre)
Che (2008) (The Landmark) (exclusive engagement thru Thursday)
A Christmas Story (1983) (Aero Theatre)
Dragon Hunters (2008) (Laemmle's Grande 4-Plex) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Hania (2007) (Laemmle's Music Hall 3) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Monsieur Verdoux (1947) (Nuart Theatre) (limited engagement through Thursday)
My Winnipeg (2007) / The Saddest Music In The World (2003) (New Beverly Cinema)
Timecrimes (Los Crinocrimenes) (2007) (Laemmle's Sunset 5) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Were The World Mine (2008) (Laemmle's Sunset 5) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Women On The Nerve Of A Nervous Breakdown (1988) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)

Where I'll Be:

Che (2008) (The Landmark)
In the golden days of yore, epics like Laurence of Arabia & Gone With The Wind toured the country as road shows. Masses flocked, knowing it would be their only chance to see such a spectacle in its entirety. Then, home video & decreased attention spans came and obliterated these events. They don't make 'em or show 'em like this any more, and unless 4 hour Spanish-language films become trendy, they likely won't ever again.

Thursday
$9.99 (2008) (Laemmle's Music Hall 3) (limited engagement)
Che (2008) (The Landmark) (exclusive engagement)
Dragon Hunters (2008) (Laemmle's Grande 4-Plex) (limited engagement)
Fiddler On The Roof (1971) (The Egyptian Theatre)
Hania (2007) (Laemmle's Music Hall 3) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Monsieur Verdoux (1947) (Nuart Theatre) (limited engagement through Thursday)
My Winnipeg (2007) / The Saddest Music In The World (2003) (New Beverly Cinema) (New Beverly Cinema)
Timecrimes (Los Crinocrimenes) (2007) (Laemmle's Sunset 5) (limited engagement through Thursday)
Were The World Mine (2008) (Laemmle's Sunset 5) (limited engagement through Thursday)
White Christmas (1954) (Aero Theatre)
Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)

Where I'll Be:

Timecrimes (Los Crinocrimenes) (2007) (Laemmle's Sunset 5)
I love time-travel films, but there's always something missing. Primer doesn't have any comprehensible dialogue. Back To The Future doesn't have any murder. Donnie Darko doesn't have any likable characters. Spanish techno-thriller Timecrimes promises all this and, according to the advance press, it delivers.


Friday
Army Of Darkness (1992) (midnight movie) (Regency Fairfax)
The Class (2008) (exclusive engagement) (The Landmark)
Cult Cinema Club: TBA Japanese Horror (The Egyptian Theatre)
The Killing (1956) / Paths Of Glory (1957) (New Beverly Cinema)
March Of The Wooden Soldiers (1934) (Old Time Music Hall)
My Name Is Bruce (2007) (w/ special guest Bruce Campbell!) (Nuart Theatre)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) (Aero Theatre)
Pink Floyd: The Wall (1982) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
Remains Of The Day (1993) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
The Shop Around The Corner (1940) (The Egyptian Theatre)
Tommy (1975) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
Trainspotting (1996) (The Bay Theatre)

Where I'll Be:

My Name Is Bruce (2007) (w/ special guest Bruce Campbell!) (Nuart Theatre)
Anyone who's read Bruce Campbell's autobiography If Chins Could Kill or seen any of his movies knows the man has mastered the arts of self-deprecation, quick-wit & slapstick. In My Name Is Bruce, Bruce Campbell utilizes all in the role he was born to play: Bruce Campbell, a jerk, who must rise to the task and become Bruce Campbell, b-movie star. Because there's an evil Chinese spirit running around Oregonian backwoods beheading everyone. Confused? Maybe Bruce Campbell can explain it to you - he's hosting a Q&A on all things Bruce Campbell after the film.

And in case that isn't enough Bruce Campbell for you, you can catch a midnight showing of Army Of Darkness at the Regency Fairfax right afterward.

Saturday
The Abyss (1989) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
Aliens (1986) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
Fiddler On The Roof (1971) (Aero Theatre)
Jingle All The Way (1996) (midnight show) (New Beverly Cinema)
The Killing (1956) / Paths Of Glory (1957) (New Beverly Cinema)
March Of The Wooden Soldiers (1934) (Old Time Music Hall)
My Name Is Bruce (2007) (w/ special guest Bruce Campbell!) (Nuart Theatre)
Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) (midnight show) (Nuart Theatre)
Scrooge (1970) (free screening) (The Egyptian Theatre)
The Man Who Came To Dinner (1942) / Holiday Affair (1949) (The Egyptian Theatre)
Titanic (1997) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)

Where I'll Be:

Fiddler On The Roof (1971) (Aero Theatre)
As much as I'd love to check out The Royal's 70mm series screenings of The Abyss & Aliens, my sister's in town for Chanukah, and Fiddler's the only Chanukah-esque movie I know of. If anyone can recommend a better Chanukah flick, I'm all ears (but if you say Eight Crazy Nights, I'm defriending you).

Sunday
A Christmas Story (1983) (Arclight Sherman Oaks)
Gremlins (1984) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade (1989) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
March Of The Wooden Soldiers (1934) (Old Time Music Hall)
My Name Is Bruce (2007) (w/ special guest Bruce Campbell!) (Nuart Theatre)
Top Gun (1986) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
Total Recall (1990) / Starship Troopers (1997) (New Beverly Cinema)
Trainspotting (1996) (The Bay Theatre)
The Untouchables (1987) (Laemmle's Royal Theatre)
White Christmas (1954) (The Egyptian Theatre)
The Women (1939) (Starlight Studio)

Where I'll Be:

Total Recall (1990) / Starship Troopers (1997) (New Beverly Cinema)
Everyone loves to jump on Showgirls, but truth is Paul Verhoeven has an incredible talent for sneaking subversive satire in-between mutants & explosions. While these films are no Robocop, nay-sayers should be ready for a surprise.

That's this week in film. Love it or Netflix it.

American Graffiti (1973, dir. George Lucas)

Many follow the phrase "George Lucas" with "raped my childhood". These hyperbolic folk never consider George Lucas' take on his own youth, American Graffiti. Opening at dusk on a Mel's Diner & closing at dawn on a speeding T-bird, the film is an unabashed love letter to the summer of '62. The rock was loud, the cars were louder, and a group of friends follow dreams & chase tail for one more night, college changes their country & their lives forever.

Whereas THX-1138 & the Star Wars films center on science fiction spectacle and paper-thin soldiers of good & evil, American Graffiti is entirely character-driven. What's even more interesting is how Lucas subverts the expected high-school archetype. Cutest couple Steve Bolander & Laurie Henderson (Lil' Ronny Howard & Cindy Williams) quarrel over sex & long-distance relationships, squeaky-clean Curtis Henderson (Richard Dreyfuss) takes up with motorcycle gang The Pharaohs, and somehow ladies' man John Milner (Paul Le Mat) ended up escorting somebody's 12-year old sister all night. This unexpected dynamism plucks them from mere caricature; their wild night feels as real as any small-town tall-tale my Dad would reminisce with his buddies over a brew. Change the date, switch the soundtrack & it could be me & my friends.

Or could it? Much like those hazy memories, American Graffiti is planted too firmly in the past. You can crack a few smiles, but you can't truly enjoy it if you haven't lived it. Most films set over one day (or night) close with some unforgettable concert or party, satisfying both the youngster checking his watch & the oldster never wanting to leave. American Graffiti ends with such an event (a climactic car race turned crash), but something about it just doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because the scene is alienated, blindly leaping from hip-happening main street to silent backroads. Maybe it's because it teases consequence but doesn't deliver, with several persons walking away from a flaming, flying wreck without a scratch. Or maybe it's because, when that was the last time you saw that old screwball Toad give one of his glassy-eyed guffaws before he went off and got killed in 'Nam, you just had to be there.

Religulous (2008, dir. Larry Charles)

I'm unfamiliar with satirist Bill Maher's work (save the magnum opus Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death), but I can think of few topics more politically incorrect than organized religion. It gets a free pass from logical debate, despite lore of space-men, resurrections & man-eating whales. It gets a free pass from political inspection, despite embracing "holy" wars and fiery annihilation. And it gets plenty of free passes from its followers, who spend untold billions on paraphernalia, films & even theme parks.

But it isn't getting a free pass from Bill Maher. His new documentary Religulous takes dead aim at organized religion, interviewing preachers, practitioners & PR men. He concludes that religion is hallucinogenic, manic & just plain silly – oh, and it controls just about every aspect of your life, believer or not.

Some may cry foul at Religulous' most sensational subjects – a Creationist museum with humans riding dinosaurs, Israeli inventors using gadgets to cheat the Sabbath, a “million-dollar messiah” who preaches indulgence over brimstone. Maher balances these absurdities out with fair-minded religious scientists, only to find they can't answer his questions either. He presents those questions, running the gamut from “Why are there no contemporary accounts of Jesus?” to “Why is faith good?”, in straightforward face-to-face interviews. He simply asks, often just states a story he takes issue with, and bites his tongue, no matter how outrageous the response.

Maher receives some interesting challenges, but most subjects stumble & fumble, with hilarious results. Of course, Religulous amplifies these flubs with below the Bible belt subtitles and cut-aways, but many of these are redirected towards Maher himself as self-deprecating funnyman. The film also includes many shots of director Larry Charles and camera-crew, undermining the omnipresence typical of documentaries. These techniques bring Religulous past the realm of just mocking the faithful, and emphasize Maher's personal mantra of "I don’t know".

Yet, Religulous doesn't get a free pass either. The film's organization is mish-mash, with humor abruptly giving way to grave newsclips & impassioned pleas for agnostic activism. There's little coherence or connection between interview subjects, and a number of groups are left out – to name a few: Eastern religions, Zionists, New Age cults. Maher can't cover it all or get it all right his first go-round, but Religulous claims there are millions of agnostics in America, more than there are blacks, Jews, and NRA members. Since these groups hold well-established niches in Americana, Religulous is a welcome introduction and groundwork for future agnostic cinema & culture.

Burn After Reading (2008, dirs. Joel & Ethan Coen)

The Burn After Reading poster overflows with information, intertwined chaotically with (appropriately) flaming colors, guns & shadowy fiigures. It's beautiful, if slightly incomprehensible. This description also applies to the mechanisms of the film's screwy characters and screwier story. Everyone “knows” everything, yet everyone knows nothing, and that combination makes for one of the Coen Brothers' darkest comedies – and with a resume that regularly plumbs the depths of murder, kidnappings & seedy underbellies, that’s saying something.

I say this because, unlike quintuplets, prison gangs, layman detectives & hell, the information theft at the core of Burn After Reading is very real. The title's play on words refers to a dilemma central to the digital age: how do you keep secrets when computer contents are copied and distributed within seconds, your life story conveyed from database to person to person to database to person within the span of a few phone calls?

Lest you think this is some sexy techno-thriller where a voice-of-god hacker flings cars, helicopters & explosions at unsuspecting innocents*, remember that the Coen Brothers' trademark has always been lovable, quotable dolts, and here they do not disappoint. Convinced a "selective surgery" is her ticket out of dead-end internet relationships, personal trailer Linda Litzke (Coen favorite Frances McDormand) sees plenty of 1's & 0's when she discovers a CD-R full of state secrets. Unfortunately, the only one she can trust with it is Chad Feldheimer (Brad Pitt), a perky personal trainer whose idea of suiting up involves ear-buds & a bike. The CD-R contains the memoir of Osborne Cox (John Malkovich), an alcoholic ex-CIA Agent with a series of F-bombs and a serious axe to grind.

But Cox isn't the only Fed mixed up in this. Low-level Treasurer, high-level smarmerer Harry Pfarrer (George Clooney) charms the pants off every woman in sight (including those in the audience), but it's Cox's CIA superiors that steal the show. J.K. Simmons continues his awesomeness streak with hilariously blunt assessments of the increasingly entangled situation. He doesn't know what the hell is going on either, but with nothing on the line it sure is fun to watch.

And I concur.



* That's Eagle Eye, which I’ve got lined up later in the week, if the space-time-money continuum allows.

Free Film: Confessions of a Superhero

The most promising element of new media is the free distribution of documentaries. Produced on small budgets, as labors of love, it isn't important that these pieces make money; rather that they find new eyes to open towards their quirky characters and introduce to new ideas and actions.

By now, everyone knows that the Star is Born Hollywood dream is as dated as Victory Bonds - and yet, every year fresh faces and film students come seeking overnight success with twinkles in their eyes and, sadly, failure on the horizon. Confessions of a Superhero tracks a group of performers who have carved a unique niche for themselves (yes, that's unique even by Hollywood standards). And through this Snag Films widget (and courtesy of some commercials), it's entirely free. My review follows (actually written a few months back, didn't realize I'd never posted it), and if my adding additional HTML mucked up the widget, the film is also available here.
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I used to pop corn at the El Capitan, and working on Hollywood Boulevard entails a special relationship with the costumed characters outside Grauman’s Chinese Theatre (we even hired one as our Jack Sparrow). A “hey Hulk”, “sup Spiderman”, and “what it do, winged devil thing” (seriously, what is that guy?) is all it takes to get comfortable with them, but I never had the chutzpah to talk to them long enough to satisfy my curiosity: where do they come from? Where do they go? Why do they dress like superheroes?

Matt Ogens shares this curiosity, and lucky for us, he brought along a camera. His documentary Confessions of a Superhero (available on DVD), is somewhat scattershot in its narrative focus, but invaluable in its portraits of some of the Boulevard's most famous costumers, Christopher Dennis, Maxwell Allen, Jennifer Gerht, and Joseph McQueen.

Names don’t ring a bell? Jennifer averages $100-$300 a day in “tips” taking pictures as Wonder Woman. But she’s new; you probably haven’t heard of her. Christopher’s played Superman for well over a decade – he’s even got a booth at the autograph show, next to Lassie’s great-grandchild! No? Well, you have to have seen the news footage of Maxwell stripping out of his Bat-suit to battle labor protestors and cops! Really? Hmm. Joseph played a small part in the comedy Finishing the Game in-between blackouts from his 130-degree Hulk suit; I think it played the Nuart for a week.

OK, so these performers aren’t out there for fame and fortune. While an industry credit may be their career goal, it’s really a devotion to their comic book inspirations that drives them through elaborate preparations and miserable working conditions. Christopher’s apartment is a shrine to the Man of Steel, packed wall-to-wall with thousands of dollars worth of action figures, photographs, and memorabilia. Maxwell gives Bruce Wayne a run for his money in the dark and brooding department, prone to fits of rage from a life of beatings and mob work. He even wears his costume to therapy.

These interviews are interspersed with beautiful still shots of these and other characters in and out of costume from Director of Photography Charlie Gruet. He manages to make the Boulevard pop even more, transforming it into a vibrant carnival of capes and masks. When drawing in tourists, photos, and tips, these performers truly glow. Most of the time, however, their routine lacks such spark, reflected in the mundane apartments, empty warehouses, and grimy street corners they return to after their daily grind. Ultimately, Confessions reveals that, no matter how colorful your character, a job on the Boulevard’s a job like any other: ain’t nothing but work.

I'm Just Not Used To A Screening In The Middle Of The Night With Killer Robots!

Ed's Note: Another column rejected by LAist. 2 for 2 - oh well. Would have posted this when I wrote it a week and a half ago, but I went on vacation.

If you're a Rocky Horror fanatic, you can do the Time Warp every weekend at the Nuart. If you'd rather throw spoons around The Room, there are regular events at Laemmle's Sunset. If you love The Big Lebowski, Hedwig And The Angry Inch, or any number of recognized cult classics, you're sure to find a theatrical screening every couple of months. If, however, you're enamored with Chopping Mall, a robo-slasher so obscure the DVD is mastered from a 20-year old videocassette, you’ll have to stay at home and cry, because 35mm materials don't exist. Or so I thought.

Phil Blankenship & The New Beverly Cinema prove me wrong and send me into cardiac arrest by featuring my all-time favorite film as one of their Midnight Movie programs. I’ve probably seen Chopping Mall more times than the original cast and crew by this point, but on the big screen? That’s a once-in-a-lifetime event! So I skip Comic Con, cut short a friend's birthday, and even consider ditching my girlfriend at the Vermont / Beverly Red Line to make it on time (don't worry, I would have saved her a seat).

Upon arrival, I join a theater chock full of Chop-a-holics. I'm beyond ecstatic, but wonder if the crowd will laugh with or at this opus. Admittedly, this fear is not unfounded; Chopping Mall is a cheese-fest to the core, with a bunch of teens holed up in the Sherman Oaks Galleria, their sexual appetites and clunky one-liners their only defense against a cybernetic squadron with lasers set to kill.

Luckily, The New Beverly attracts only genuine fans, who eat up every minute. They recognize Chopping Mall as the Citizen Kane of robo-slashers. Sexploitation grinder Jim Wynorski commands cult favorites Kelli Maroney (Night of the Comet), Barbara Crampton (Re-Animator), Dick Miller (Gremlins and a million others) and Mary Woronov (Death Race 2000), and complements them with a brisk pace, ridiculous plot points, and sly digs at a now-lost mall culture.

As if that weren't enough, the director and leading lady also appear for an audience Q&A. Each is as cynical and sexy as ever, respectively; Jim Wynorski shares the secret to getting free Chopping Mall t-shirts from eBay bootleggers (hint: cease-and-desist), and Kelli Maroney offers choice anecdotes from the set of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. The New Beverly also throws in a choice ‘80s trailer reel of past Midnight Movie Slumber Party Massacre, future Midnight Movie The Gate (August 23rd), Mind Warp (Sid Haig, Robert Englund, and so much gore you could plotz), and The Wraith (punks vs. ghost cars, do I need to say more?).

And it’s only $7. I pay more for parking at The Arclight.
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The New Beverly's Midnight Movie schedule is available at: http://www.myspace.com/newbeverlymidnights and http://www.newbevcinema.com/

Chopping Mall is available on DVD through Lions Gate Entertainment.

Hellboy 2: Truly "Golden"

(NOTE: Quick genesis. I started writing this column last week in preparation for a preview showing. Then missed said preview, sat on it a few days, paid to see it, and cut it down for culture blog LAist. They didn't run it, so here it is. Sorry if it reads a few days "dated".)

Hellboy has a hell of a time with release dates. In 2004, Sony locked the demonic anti-hero's horns against Jesus Christ himself (on Easter Sunday, no less). Now Universal goes and opens Hellboy II: The Golden Army between two equally prodigal sons: box office king Will Smith, and already-blockbuster The Dark Knight. And it isn't even in 3D!

But early reports have Big Red prevailing (at least for this weekend), and this is because Universal understands what made the original such a success. The Golden Army boasts every major player of the original team, with a bigger budget to boot. Writer/director Guillermo del Toro's biggest strength continues to be his aptness for grafting the fantastic to the realistic. Del Toro blurs the distinction between each element, playing evenly to their individual strengths. The result is a dreamscape as logical as it is awe-inspiring; it's as sensible to gasp at Hellboy's grotesque appearance as it is to empathize with him for trying to "fit in" amongst the general public.

As skilled as Guillermo del Toro is, Hellboy's success does not lie with him alone (after all, who remembers Mimic?). Character actors Ron Perlman and Doug Jones breathe life and one-liners into superhumans Hellboy and Abe Sabien beneath mounds of make-up; Hellboy bounces around like a pinball, and empathetic gillman Abe has a more meaningful presence than the original film. The Golden Army brings the duo a paranormal playmate: Johann Krauss, a controlling spirit sporting a thick robotic suit and a thicker accent. The Golden Army's increased effects budget also shines through an onslaught of fantastic creatures; instead of squaring off against primarily humanoid villains, Hellboy and his team battle ravenous tooth fairies, Wink, an ape-like creature with a mace for a hand, and the Golden Army themselves, clockwork Golems rendered beautifully through stop motion and CGI. Particularly amazing is a sequence set in The Troll Market, an exotic realm packed to the brim with beasts recalling Star Wars' Mos Eisley Cantina in its sheer, weird wonder.

As in the original Hellboy, the human supporting cannot compete with their "freak" counterparts, but they roll with every punch the uncanny universe throws at them. Their primary defense is snappy exchange; Selma Blair's Liz Sherman and Jeffrey Tambor's Tom Manning remind his need for restraint; humanity needs him, even loves him, but above all fears him and his power. This conflict is set up for full realization in future sequels, of which there are so many setups & teases it isn't a question of if they will make another sequel, but how many more will they make.

Let's hope Universal stays smart and keeps the team together. Oh, and let's also hope The Hobbit doesn't keep Guillermo Del Toro too busy.

Want.

From /Film.

Too bad I don't have a UK shipping address. I'm sure some English entrepeneur will find a way to get it to us Yanks (at triple the price) soon.